Receiving my first degree apprenticeship offer wasn’t easy, but what was even harder was dealing with the failure that came when I didn’t achieve the A Level results I needed. Watching the future I had crafted for myself slip away was devastating.

Degree Apprenticeships weren’t always on my radar, initially I was under the assumption that I would do what everyone else did. Go to university, study something generic whilst working part time. Though, after being rejected by a fair share of my dream Russell group universities, I decided to explore the Apprenticeship pathway and I was immediately enticed. 

Getting paid to go to University? Count me in! 

In January 2024, I applied to an abundance of apprenticeships. Gmail promptly became a new edition to my Social Media rotation as I constantly waited in trepidation for emails from companies; most of which were lined with the dreaded ‘unfortunately’ speech with some loosely encouraging words added in for sympathy. 

One company finally saw potential in me and after a vigorous Assessment Centre, the news broke that I had received an offer for a Software Engineering Degree Apprenticeship! I was ecstatic, I just had to get the grades.

A level exam season was far from a walk in the park; my days were filled with cramming and frantically asking my friends to quiz me on my knowledge. The little time that I spent resting often involved me being tormented by electromagnetism, integration and trying to figure out an easy way to calculate the domain and range. Yet, it was over as quickly as it started. I yearned to relax but results day loomed over me. It was always at the back of my mind, and that particular area of my mind always seemed to create the worst case scenarios. However, I remained unconvinced that things wouldn't work out accordingly.. 

On August 16th, 2024, I opened my results and to my despair, I had failed. Completely and utterly. It was a sobering, crushing feeling. I dedicated so much time to preparing for Apprenticeship interviews and I’d invested even more of my time preparing for my A levels: pulling all-nighters, watching endless YouTube videos, and completing more past papers than I could count. 

Yet, despite all that effort, it felt like everything had gone to waste.

I was lost and lacked guidance. I didn’t want to retake the year, my pride wouldn’t let me. I wanted things to go my way, to somehow be accepted into my apprenticeship regardless of my grades (unfortunately, no, this didn’t happen). 

Besides, what would everyone think? My teachers would see me as a failure, my peers would move ahead without me and I was still stuck in the same place doing the exact same thing. 

It took a month to come to terms with the situation and I was plagued with different scenarios. Do I restart completely and do a Level 3 apprenticeship? Do I just go to university? Or do I face going back to school?

It didn't help that I was too ashamed to speak to my former teachers, and my family didn’t have the adequate knowledge to guide me. 

Eventually, in mid-October, I made the difficult decision to go back to school and complete a two-year BTEC ICT course in just one year. This journey presented a host of new challenges. I was already a whole month behind on content and I still needed to learn both Year 12 and Year 13 content throughout the year, whilst simultaneously balancing a part-time job. 

My routine was relentless: wake up at 7am, school from 9 to 3, study, then work until 11pm on repeat for months. It was monotonous and exhausting, but also surprisingly transformative.

I reminded myself every morning why I was doing this and who I was doing this for. Focusing on the bigger picture was my ultimate goal as I imagined all of the doors it would open up for me in the future. 

I eventually completed my BTEC ICT course with a strong Distinction and an apprenticeship offer in tact. I had finally gotten to the finish line after a 3 year long battle. 

Retaking taught me a whole host of skill sets, from time management to resilience and discipline, but it also taught me about how to fail, and how to do it gracefully. 

If there’s one thing guaranteed in life, alongside taxes, it’s failure. It's not something you can outrun or hide from but It’s not something that should be feared. It doesn’t have to be scary and failure doesn’t have to define you at all. People fail everyday, from driving tests to cooking a meal that didn't go to plan or a startup that didn't succeed. What’s important is how you channel that failure into your future and what you learn from it. To everyone who feels as if failing their A Levels was the end of the road, just know that there is still hope.

Failure is empowering!

Evelyn Ajayi

Software Engineering Degree Apprentice | BAN Ambassador | Former small business owner | Content Creator

You can find out more and connect with Evelyn on LinkedIn.